They never heal; the wounds of the heart - this is how you heal it
They never heal; the wounds of the heart.
YUCK, THAT SOUNDED CORNY! AM GONNA PUKE!
In a world which is imperfect, people end up wounding each other, inevitably. The entire BS about forgiving people for what they did to you, never work. Somewhere deep in the psyche, the scar remains making a permanent damage, that's why they call it a bloody scar in the first place. What is done is indeed done. An animal resides inside, still not forgetting, still not forgiving.
So, how do you get over it? How do you get over the pain of the wounds which the people around you have given you?
The answer is so very simple, that I couldn’t believe it when I read it in a book called, "The user manual of the Human Experience". The author calls it PESD, which stands for Practical emotional self-defence.
How do you put PESD in use? It's so simple.
Ignore, or in fact move away from these people. Distance is the key. Move away. Move to another continent if you have to. Move to another planet if you have to. Your peace is priceless.
But what if that person is someone important to you? What if that person is someone you love? How do you get over it? This is the kind of question that haunts people a lot.
Caught between the side of you which loves her and the other side of you which still can't forgive her; man, that's one pretty hell of a situation to live in.
Let's define a typical situation:
She does something wrong, like doubting you with another girl. You know you love her, but you also hate the fact that she has doubted you. You communicate this with her and she says sorry, but you are still unable to forgive her. She says sorry again, but still you are unable!
Let's talk different solution possibilities:
You could just brush it all off on one day and smile at her, and move on to live with her, as soon as she says sorry, but the angry monkey always resides inside, ready for the next chance to show it's ugly face. You can't feed him bananas throughout the year. The stock is gonna run out some day. Some argument someday, it will bring out its ugly ass.
Never forgive her. Believe me, this might actually give you the illusion that it'll work. You'll feel bad for some time, but as time progresses, you'll move on to things that come up new in your life. It's life man, it has to be recycled. But, since you like her, you'll always wonder what could have happened if you had only brushed aside that one thing, and enjoyed a beautiful life with her. The grass is always greener on the other side. I've seen people like this. They take these feelings to the grave with them.
I am also a strict follower of witty themes like "Love is the illusion, that one woman is different from the other", and such. But emotions are transient man, they never stay the same. When the emotion called love hits, these witty statements are thrown out the window. You and I know that. Emotion wins over logic all the time!
Back to our possibilities:
So, what is to be done then? Possibility #1 and Possibility #2 don't seem to work either. How do you get over it?
The best answer I have ever come across would be to just let it go without trying to solve it. Procrastinate. Post pone the solution. This always works for me.
How can you procrastinate? You may ask. But according to me, only problems require solutions. If it is not a problem, it will solve itself eventually.
Now this leads us to the definition of what a problem actually is! It's scary how this topic diverges.
My definition of a problem:
If after 100 days, an event is gonna have an impact on you, then it is a problem!
Everything else need not be worried about. They are not problems. They need not be solved. They do not matter. In other words, they solve themselves over time.
Let me give an example,
1. You get scolded by your boss today. You did a mistake. It's pretty rare that this happens. Is it going to matter a 100 days from now? Are you going to think about it?
Hell No! Then it is not a problem. You don’t need to worry about it.
2. You get scolded by your boss everyday. Is it going to matter a 100 days from now?
YES! He is an asshole! (Or you are an idiot) He is probably going to continue doing it. It is a problem. You need to do something about it.
See Plain and simple; I told you didn't I?
So, in our situation where the girl has actually said sorry, and means it, and still you feel bad about it, let it rest and Procrastinate the solution. It will solve itself. Just stay happy with her. Hang in there, so long as it is not a problem.
And this is how you heal the wounds of the heart - by not trying to.
That's me and I might be wrong. Do what you want man.