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Friday, 16 March 2012

How to act busy at work (office) when you really aren’t doing anything at all!



Let’s get straight to the point. Follow them precisely and you will be on the go. May be you’ll get the best employee of the year award.

Follow these steps in the order it is mentioned here for best results.

Walk around with a pissed off face

The first thing is to master the poker pissed off serious face. No signs of happiness should be coming out of your expression. You can smile internally if you want to. This makes people think that you are actually serious about your work.People will be afraid to come near you. You will be the, “do not disturb because he is working really hard” office guy.

Walk really fast

Now that you have mastered the pissed off face; it’s time to walk fast. It makes you appear really wanted even though you are useless as shit. It makes people feel that you are part of something really really important.

No seriously walk fast. Run sometimes as if you are going toattack someone. People respect you for that.

Talk on the phone as you walk by

You might be talking to some mundane friend of yours but you will be viewed as the god to whom the big heads are talking. Makes other perceive that you are god damn important.

Carry a notebook with you when you walk (along with a pen (Optional))

This makes others think that you are taking notes all along attending meetings.
Shuffle the pages of the notebook from 1 to 180 and 180 to 1. It is not difficult try it. People will think that you are searching for something important.
You don’t have to have the notebook held upright wither. Don’t Worry, I won’t tell.

Never tell people how busy you are - Directly

Don’t just go around and tell people how busy you are. You’ll get caught. People have at least this minimal intelligence with them (I Hope).
Instead when somebody brings up something to you or needs your help, tell them that you are busy and help them anyways and they will think that you are the kindest man on the planet.Or if you are an asshole, don’t help them at all.

Put a “Do not disturb” sign on your Cubicle

Always put up a do not disturb sign on your cubicle;No matter what you are doing.
Browsing inappropriate websites, videos, Chatting on Face book whatever be it. Put on your headsets; that way people think twice before talking to you and thus leave you alone.

Be Assertive

Don’t take up new jobs very easily; because you are already too busy working your ass off.

Remember

It’s all about Deception. Now go and deceive.  God Bless.

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